For the past 5 days, I've been watching the beginnings of World War III play out in Southern Lebanon.

Quick sequence of events:

-Hamas(Palestinian) kidnapped an Israeli soldier

-Israel bombed the shit out of the Palestinians

-Hezbollah(Lebanese/Syrian) kidnapped two soldiers

-Israel bombs the shit out of Lebanon

-Hezbollah fires rockets into Israeli towns

and so on.

But of course there is so much bad blood that it goes all the way back to Issac and Ishmael. Ancient feuds and rivalries that just feed off one another to the point where no one remembers why one side hates the other.

There is so much fanaticism on all sides, religious and nationalistic.

Got a side that will only settle for the destruction of Israel. They use the plight of the Palestinians to use as a rallying cry, but they couldn't care less about them. Which is shameful, those people got a raw deal.

The Israelis have these nationalistic sociopaths (kinda like neo-cons) who believe in "Eretz Israel" or Greater Israel. Essentially, all of the holy land was promised to us in the Old Testament, so we want it.

Ariel Sharon, in his younger days advocated transferring Palestinians from Gaza and the West Bank to Syria, Lebanon and Egypt. Then Israel will be united, and no more Arabs, yay.

It's this absolute, all or nothing mentality that is bringing the situation to a head.

Alot of people crap all over Israel for some of the shit they do.

I don't blame them for playing hard, in a region like that you have to kick some ass to keep the neighbors in line.

I will never say shit to Israel about them defending themselves.

But the question is, at what point does self defence stop and looking for some payback kick in?

I understand the need to take out those who do you harm, do what you gotta do.

But, what does bombing civilian infrastructure have to do with self defence?

Beirut airport was bombed so people can't leave, Bridges, roads, power stations, water treatment plants....all gone.

Reports have thousands of refugees trying to get into Syria, which already has 100,000 Iraqi refugees, fleeing from all the freedom and democracy. It's good to see the media isn't taking sides in this, they're being very FAIR and BALANCED(wink).

You drop a 500lb bomb in a residential area, you might hit your target, but you'll definately kill civilians. Much like what happened to that Canadian family.

Every terrorist they kill, one more takes his place. Kill a child, how many people see you as the enemy?

There are no good guys in this mess. Just bad guys are not quite as bad guys.

Normally, I'd look to the Americans for some leadership here, unfortunately they got their own problems right now and George Bush is not the guy for the job. I'm sure he could probably get a job at Dairy Queen once this president gig is up.

This whole thing is a giant mess that is going to get worse.

Any thoughts?

 

One of the unforseen consequences of having to readjust to a time zone after travelling for a while is that my sleep patterns have me waking up at 4am, totally wide awake.

I've found myself watching some early morning/late nite tv.

"The Adventures of Hercules" was this silly cartoon that was on when I was a kid, thought it was awesome. Not the super lame Disney version.

Had Hercules, a centaur companion/androgynous sex slave named Newt, bad guys all over. Pretty badassed but also very low budget. 

I stumbled across it this morning while trying to get back to sleep.

During this episode, Hercules is battling the 'Mask of Vulcan' guy, he puts on this metal helmet and he becomes indestructable. But only when wearing the mask, without it he's just some little pussy.

So, in every battle they fight, Hercules always has to find a way to get the helmet off.

He's used a magnet, got a bird to take it off when the guy wasn't paying attention, used a giant magnifying glass to concentrate sunlight onto the mask, making it heat up so he has to remove it.

Works all the time and then Hercules kicks his ass, centaurs dance around, cue end credits/theme song.

What has been bugging me about this is that the only logical way this Mask of Vulcan guy can keep coming back again and again is that, once this guy is locked away, he somehow gets this helmet back.

Hercules is just making his life much harder by turning the helmet back to it's owner. Work smarter, not harder.

Maybe Hercules has a utopian streak in him compelling him to return it and rely on faith that this individual will use reason to see the error of his ways. Like a Kantian belief that man will evolve to a pinacle.

But being part god, he would know that mankind is not perfectable because they can never reach the level of the gods. There will always be that barrier between the nobility of the gods and the filth of the mortals.

A more likely explanation would be he gives the mask back to give him purpose. He is defined by his deeds and is known by the  enemies he defeats. He has zero social skills, has this fine ass blond, Helena, all over him but he doesn't know how to seal the deal, friends are all losers, family is distant at best.

All he has is saving the day, really sad. I would make a much better Hercules.

I would have kept the mask as a trophy, got a penthouse in Mount Olympus and would've tapped that cartoon chick. 

Why be a superhero if you can't reap the rewards?

Why be a god, if you don't want some worship?

 

 

I think I'm one of 10 people in North American never to read the book. I went to the movie purely out of a sense of curiosity, to see what the big deal was all about.

All I can say is that Tom Hanks owes me $10.95. I'm not going to charge him for the medium coke and poutine I bought, that was a treat for myself.

What a suckie movie. The acting was bad, there were no real surprises and Hanks' character never even hooked up with that smoking hot french chick who turned out to be Jesus' kinfolk.

After all that running around and getting chased by a goofy albino monk he doesn't he try to make a play for her? That's silly, I would totally hit that. If she has royal blood in her even better.

Bad movie aside, I don't see what all the fuss was about. I see 3 silly things that people have been freaking about.

1)Is it heresy to suggest that Jesus did not die a virgin? He may or may not have been the son of God, but one thing is for sure, he was a man. If I were the son of God I'd totally use that as an in to pick up women.

2)Does the church not crap all over women every chance it gets?

How many books of the bible were written by women? I don't think any. The bible portrays women as prostitutes, whores, temptresses, gossips. In biblical terms they are shown to be the evil of the world. If Eve hadn't taken the apple from the tree of knowledge, then we'd be living big pimpin in the Garden of Eden. Serves her right for trusting the advice of a talking snake.

3)The bible is a heavily edited collected works that is open to many different interpretations.

The story of Jesus is told by a couple of his apostles who tell a Rashomon type tale of his last days, each with a different view of the events of his life. When someone chronicles events, they filter it through their own biases and perceptions and create a reality that they agree with. The bible may or may not be divinely inspired, but in the end it was written by people, who are flawed, making it a flawed document.

Maybe Jesus should have written a couple of his own thoughts down  so he wouldn't have to rely on his crew to do it for him. But he was probably too busy getting his holy freak on with Mary M to bother putting pen to paper.

As far as I'm concerned, The Da Vinci Code is a work of fiction based on another work of fiction.

Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go outside and be struck down by a bolt of lightning.

Strange dream last night.

I was playing hockey but somehow I traveled 1000 years into the future. Obviously I was moving so fast I surpassed the speed of light and time for me passed over a few seconds but the world moved on for 1000 yrs.

Apparently in the future all people look chinese and wear hockey skates. I was trapped in a Best Buy (how sad that big box stores survive in the future) and was trying to get out because I wanted to see the world of 3006.

I finally got out after going out a couple of doors that led me back into the store and all I could see outside was miles and miles of jungle gyms.

The only logical thing I can surmise from this is that some time in our future, city planning will be taken over by toddlers. Chilling. Bad enough I can't see nudity or swearing on American TV (like you can on Canadian TV) because of the cultural tyranny of the 6 year old, next they're going to be involved in public infrastructure?  

Vic Toews, the Conservative Justice Minister for those who don't know, said that the govt is putting the whole same sex thing to a vote in the near future. How silly is this? I was having a good vibe about our tubby new PM but this totally kills it.

Gay people pay taxes, obey the laws, serve in the military, I can think of no reason why they shouldn't be afforded all the same rights I have.

People bring up that nonsense about opening the door for polygamy.......horseshit!

That would never get past our courts because it's an unequal relationship of one man with multiple wives (or vice versa), putting one spouse on a higher level than another. The case for polygamy can be argued through a freedom of religion angle. Apparently, King Solomon had 600 wives and 300 concubines(it's good to be king),  certain religions see this as God's will. Maybe, but we live by the constitution, not God. It's a subordinating relationship that goes against the constitution.

Gay marriage is two consenting adults, perfectly equal.

This issue was settled last year, deal with it. Just cause you have a base of supporters who want to turn back the clock and push religion on everyone doesn't mean that anyone else does.

Last I checked it's the 21st century, I suggest you look into it Mr Harper. 

 

Thanks George Mason University, wasn't sure if you'd beat UNC, but you did and won me $500. Sadly, I've got you going out next round. But don't worry, I'll dedicate my shopping spree from my winnings to your fine school.

I'm happy for the Canadian men's curling team winning a gold medal in Olympic competition, really I am.

I just can't accept curlers as athletes. I was watching the medal ceremony when the Canadian team took the podium and felt some nationalistic pride when the anthem started up, but...........

One of the curlers has man titties. If you have man titties, then you are no athlete.

If I can push your man boobs together and make love to that mass of hairy man flesh, then you are not an athlete.

Sorry.

Any activity that has competitors with man titties is not a sport.

I cannot believe that Nickelback got nominated for 6 Junos. They are forced to suck balls because they have no balls of their own. They are, in fact, balless. They are as hard and edgy as S Club 7.

They play the same song over and over again, and that song is terrible. Bad mix of weak power chords and souless brooding. Fucking horrible.

Great Canadian bands like Arcade Fire, Feist, K-os(illest rhymes you'll ever hear) should be having the kind of success that Nickelback currently has, for whatever reason they have any success at all. I suspect it's because that balless Chad Kroeger made a deal with the devil. One soul for a recording contract.

Kinda makes me wish I never sold my soul three years ago for a pack of Mentos.

Last week during the State of the Union address, President Bush dropped a bombshell (in the literary sense).

Apparently, America is addicted to oil and he's called to decrease dependence on foreign oil.

I've waited a week to comment on this because I was in a state of disbelief for the past seven days. An oil industry insider whose domestic policies are responsible for record profits of Exxon, Mobil, British Petroleum and the like calling for America to wake up to the reality of addiction. Shocking.

Admitting you have a problem is always the first step towards recovery.

This is a problem that Canada also shares with the US.

The problem with his plan to wean the US off foreign oil and rely on more stable trading partners (Canada, Mexico, drilling in Alaska,etc) to get their fix is that oil is a global commodity.

That means that there is no Canadian oil, Norweigan oil, Nigerian oil, it's a substance that enters the market and relies solely on supply and demand. It doesn't matter if you buy oil from Canada or Saudi Arabia, the price will be unaffected from where you get it. When the next war breaks out in the Middle East, you're still going to be paying $70/barrell no matter where you get it from. 

Bush stating that this addiction is to the detriment of US security is correct. A junkie will do crazy things to get their fix. OPEC is like a pusher who always has what you need. Oil is where terrorists get their money.

The major flaw in his plan is that he merely wants to change the pusher and do nothing about the addiction.

Anyone who has ever had an addiction knows that the problem is never the supply but always the demand.

In North America, we have 6% of the world population but use 38% of the energy produced.

We are energy junkies on a massive scale, to beat this will take personal sacrifice.

Get rid of your SUV, buy a mountain bike, get a bus pass, recycle. Bush is calling for breaking addiction without sacrifice, which is just silly.

I give props to Dubya for stepping outside his bubble, even if it's just for a second, to see the reality of the world. Maybe there is hope for him after all.

I was laying around yesterday, sick like a fucking animal, when a friend popped by to cheer me up(thanx babe). She brought a movie to watch,"The Last Samurai", and it totally didn't work for me. I think it was because the logic behind the main premise was so off, I just couldn't get into it.

If you kill all the samurai, who is going to be left to battle Godzilla? The ninjas? I don't think so, they're in it for themselves.

 Maybe if they create a giant Hello Kitty fighting robot........

I've been watching the situation in Afghanistan quite closely for the past couple of months and listening to the Canadian public with their concerns that our soldiers are in harm's way.

It was shocking to see someone I know having their face all over the TV when those soldiers got hit by that suicide bomber last week. Paul Franklin used to bum smokes from me when I was at 1 Fd Amb. Good guy, although he really should buy his own pack.

We have freedoms in this country to live a very fulfilling life, free from danger and oppression because there are people willing to wear a uniform and put their lives at risk to make our lives better.

That monkey in the White House talks about 'Freedom' all the time and uses it as a prop to sell his silliness. One would think that it is a word that has no meaning when it is used to push someone's agenda, but it is something that is very real and needs to be safeguarded for the betterment of mankind.

Canada is not a militaristic nation and we don't give props to those who serve like we should. When you go to school, hang with your family, go shopping, vote, you can do this in peace because of men and women in uniform. Never take that for granted. If you meet a soldier, say thanks, buy him a drink, just don't let him anywhere near your daughter.

To my friends in Kandahar (even you Jean) you're never far from my thoughts, come home safe. 

 

Think that's funny, Jack?

You need to steal my car to fund your election campaign?

You think when I went to the parking lot this morning and noticed my driver side window smashed that I wouldn't know it was you?

Well, I know it was you because you couldn't start the car and drive it away. That says to me it was done by someone both pathetic and stupid. Only one person I can think of.

The day is coming soon, Jack. You won't be laughing that girlish laugh when I'm feeding you your own testicles.

I'll put up with your silly pronouncements on social policy, even giggle when you try to speak french, but mess with a dude's ride goes a bit far.

When I talked to the cops I didn't mention your name, I want you all to myself.

Don't know what I did to draw your attention, I'm a very peaceful guy, but you've been warned not to make me an enemy and choose to ignore that piece of wisdom. It is so on.

Vote Green.

I was watching the news tonight and they're saying that it looks like the Conservatives are going to beat the shit out of the Liberals in this election. Personally I've got no real problem with this.

The Liberals have the same problem as the Republicans do in the US. No credibility and the stench of corruption.

They deserve to spend some time in purgatory for being fast and loose with our money.

When I hear that we don't have money for education, roads, hospitals, and the military(which really needs the money) and they blow billions on patronage and kickbacks, that fills my heart with rage.

The Conservatives are a right wing party, but conservative in Canada and conservative in the US are words with two very different meanings.

In the US, the Christian Right has taken power in the conservative movement because they mobilize the voters and the MONEY to put some of the douche-ier Republicans in power. That's why we see this nonsense about bringing creationism into classrooms, hating on gays, bombing Muslims for Jesus, and so on, is so prevalent in American politics. Democrats also try to court these people because they vote in such high numbers so many of their policies are quite similar to the Republicans. Of course they'll never admit that, makes for bad 24/7 cable news drama if they're not screaming at each other.

Conservatives in Canada are quite a bit different. The Christian Right is here but not powerful at all, so their calls to end gay marriage are barely noticed. If you go to Georgia it's a very different story, I've seen an anti-gay protest in the Deep South. Kinda scary, those muthafuckas are crazy.

Most of their platforms have to do with economic policy than trying to put the 'fun' in fundamentalist.

Here again, Liberal policy and Conservative policy are nearly the same. Tax cuts for the wealthy, pushing the FTAA on South America, and fuck the poor.

If Stephen Harper were to run in the US, he'd be a Democrat. And their is no way that the Canadian people would put up with the horseshit that the Americans are forced to put up with. If Harper starts cupping Bush's testicles and starts talking about sending Canadian soldiers to Iraq, saying torture is ok, global warming- doesn't exist. Then there won't be a Conservative government again in Canada for the next 100 years.

I've supported the Green Party for the past 10 years because it is a true change from politics as we know it.

The environment is more important to me than tax cuts or that ridiculous pledge to ban handguns.

What's the point of having more money in your pocket if you can't breath the air or drink the water.

I want the next generation to have a world they can live in.

The Greens talk alot about sustainable development, the way we consume is to kill the future to feed the present.

It is a form of intergenerational tyranny that we have against people who have yet to be born. 

So vote Green.

oh yeah......and FUCK YOU JACK LAYTON!!!!!

So the Americans, Europeans, Russians, etc all tell countries that they can't have nuclear weapons. Which is cool, but why do we let them keep theirs?

For those of you who don't know, the US is getting ready to go to war, again. This time with Iran. The Iranian government has taken it upon themselves to restart their Uranium enrichment program for 'peaceful' purposes in recent days.

Unfortunately for all of us, the neo-cons who run the US have been itching for an excuse to go after a second member of the 'axis of evil' and an Iranian nuclear program is just what they've been hoping for.

Not content to learn from the mess they've made in Iraq, the American administration has been operating with a messanic zeal to bomb 'rogue nations' into submission and reshape them into an ally of western (American) interests.

It's important to note that it is Iran's best interests to get their hands on a nuke. Neighbouring countries like Israel, Pakistan, India, Russia and the 'stan countries all have them. The Americans invaded Iraq knowing that Saddam Hussein had no such weapons (sorry, it was the oil), for Iran to avoid the fate of Iraq and maintain control of its oil reserves they need to arm themselves from aggressive interventions.

Having said that, the Iranian government are a bunch of dicks who no one is really going to miss when they're gone.

Over the coming weeks, the US will go to the UN demanding economic sanctions against Iran. They've already been placing heavy pressure on the Security Council, specifically Russia and China, in hopes to get a resolution passed. One of two things will happen at the UN

1) The Security Council passes the resolution and Iran will be all uppity about it and ignore the resolution, giving the Americans the political cover they need to start dropping bombs.

2) The Security Council will say no and the wingnuts in the US will spin this as the UN siding with 'the terrorists' (oh why does the UN hate freedom so much?). Freeing them to ignore the wishes of the international community, again, and to open up a world of hurt on Iran.

Watch for stories in the American media over the next few months about Iran and how they pose a threat to the US and to 'freedom'. That's how they'll prepare the public for the inevitable.

What does this mean for Canada? How does this affect me?

War hurts everyone. Out of all the destructive things that humans do, war is by far the worst. This sham "War on Terrorism" hasn't spread freedom, but it has created chaos and destruction. This philosophy of 'you will love us or we will kill you' is leading the world towards an unhappy ending.

That doesn't bother you? How does paying $2-3/liter for gas bother you?

Because in the end, that's what it's all about, killing the world to fill your tank.

When playing rock, paper, scissors, always lead with paper.

Studies have shown that 45% of people lead with rock.

Paper covers rock.

Went into my Logic final ready to kick some ass.

And kick ass I did.

It was like we were in prison and the test was my bitch I bought for a pack of smokes.

Bent it over the sink and said"TAKE IT, BITCH!!!! SHUT UP LOGIC TEST, STOP YOUR F*CKIN CRYING!!!"

Good times.

 With the election coming up we are treated to the Kabuki theatre known as the televised debate.

Essentially, leaders of the parties try not to make themselves seem like idiots in front of cameras for 2 hours, trying to win your love.

For the english language debate, Gilles Duceppe, leader of the Bloc Quebecois will be debating for the benefit of people who will not be able to vote for him even if they wanted to.

But, the Green Party, who are running candidates in all ridings, will not be allowed to participate in the debates.

Support for that worthless NDP, run by that Layton dipshit, has on average 4-5% more national support than the Greens just because there are many stupid people in this country. But the Green Party is left out? What's up with that? Does anybody have a thought on this? Is it no biggie, do the Greens have as much credibilty as the Marijuana or the Conservative Party? Or is it an attempt by the "man" to maintain the status quo and keep new thinking out of the mix?

So Stephen Harper wants to reopen that silly gay marriage thing. Are you trying to make your party lose again? I have many issues with your silly little party, other than the fact you guys are a bunch of George Bush luvin knuckleheads. What's up with that? Bad enough the Americans have to put up with that fool, you guys want his policies of perpetual war and deficit spending brought north of the border.

Now you're hating on the gays?

C'mon, I only have the time to make that twat, Jack Layton, suffer. I'll have to reschedule my entire holidays to haunt your dreams too.

Gay people are ok, maybe you can get one to do something with that f*cked up hairdo of yours. There is no reason why they can't get married. If you want to go back in time and live in the 1950's where women knew their place, gay people didn't exist and black people were called "darkies", then move your silly ass to Alabama.

Now if you'll excuse me, I have to mail a dead kitten to NDP headquarters. I think they operate out of a cardboard box downtown.

I watched something super amusing on the news tonight.

First major Christmas shopping weekend of the year resulted in tramplings and rioting.

The clip showed a Best Buy, the great Satan, in Florida where a couple of employees had to subdue a guy who didn't get an XBOX 360, something I must have BTW if anyone wants to get me one, the guy beat down some little kid and jacked his xbox.  Kid was all bloodied and crying while this dude made a run for the exits only to get tackled by three employees. The best part was when this guy was struggling with these poor minimum wage earning bastards, someone else grabbed the xbox when it hit the ground and took it to the checkout. Awesome.

That's what Christmas should be.

Season of peace and brotherhood? Birthday of the christian savior? Hell no!

Wreckless spending, creation of crippling debt, crass commercialism and trampling old people at shopping malls. That's what Christmas is all about. The downsliding of civilization to a nihilistic existence of supply and demand economics.

We are no longer citizens, we are consumers, willing to destroy ourselves in a fit of desperation to get some cheap swag and achieve instant gratifiction.

Keep consuming, bitches, it'll make the revolution so much easier.